Flesh wounds are better than wounds to the soul
by 18-Midori-37
Summary: After the Jiraia incident, Shinpachi comes to wonder about how Gin-san's actions in the present reflect his mysterious past.


Title: Flesh wounds are better than wounds to the soul

Pairing: GinShin

Rating: T...I guess...

Word Count: 3,489

Warnings/Notes: Another old fic written as a gift and intended to be a couple chapters long...and again that didn't happen. The would-be following chapters, let along this one, are...how should I say..I just don't think they can work really anymore considering the recent events in the manga and such. But anyways, here this one is in any case, and I hope ya enjoy even though, reading it again, I find it to be a bit sappy X3.

Disclaimer: Gintama belongs to Sorachi Hideaki

Summary: After the Jiraia incident, Shinpachi comes to wonder about how Gin-san's actions in the present reflect his mysterious past.

Here he was, at the front door of the Yorozuya, just like always, and Shinpachi couldn't be happier. Had it not been for his stubborn boss, his daily destination would have been changed to that of a hospital, but ever the laid back type, Gintoki preferred to recover in the comfort of his own home, where no annoying doctors or gorilla women could fuss over him.

It was only a couple days after the whole Jiraia incident, and already the silver-haired samurai was up and about, making it seem that his severely injured body no longer hindered him. While Shinpachi couldn't help but be amazed with Gintoki's strength and his will to not let anything stop him when it counted (since Shinpachi of all people knew how lazy and unmotivated Gintoki could be), he honestly couldn't understand why Gintoki wouldn't care for himself properly, either.

Letting himself inside, Shinpachi listened for any sign of the houses' occupants as he removed his sandals. Judging from how still the house felt, his boss and female co-worker must either still be asleep or stepped out of the house. After checking both Gintoki's room and Kagura's closet to find both empty, the latter of his guesses was proven correct. They weren't home. No matter, Shinpachi thought, since there wasn't ever a shortage of cleaning to be done at the Yorozuya, it wasn't like he was going to be stuck with nothing to do. With that in mind, Shinpachi made for the bathroom where the cleaning supplies were stored.

Just as he extended his hand to slide open the bathroom door however, Shinpachi heard a sound come from the other side. He paused, hand midair, waiting, listening to see if he heard anything else.

"_Ugh_..."

There is was again.

Without a second thought, Shinpachi quickly opened the door and entered, to only stop short as he saw where, or from _whom,_ the groan was coming from.

There on the wet tile floor lay Gintoki, with only a towel tied around his waist and his right hand placed firmly over the gaping, reopened wound on his right shoulder. Judging from all the steam and wet floor, Gintoki must have just come fresh out of the shower, his hair and body dripping with a mixture of excess water and blood.

"Gin-san!"

The young samurai rushed over to his bosses' side, kneeling before him as thoughts flew through his mind, his heart racing in panic from the unpleasant surprise. Minding the injured shoulder by covering Gintoki's hand with his, Shinpachi took hold of Gintoki by the shoulders to steady him as he began to sway.

"Yo, Shinpachi..." he greeted, practically muttering the words through his clenched teeth.

"Gin-san! What happened? Your wound..."

Gintoki forced a smile."It's nothing, Pattsan. I just slipped, no big deal."

"Gin-san..."

Usually, the young boy would have said something at that, some sort of come back that would have been standard procedure of the straight man, but instead, he just sighed and shifted around to Gintoki's left, wrapping one arm around his bosses' waist, the other's taking hold of Gintoki's right hand and placing it over his shoulders.

"Come on," Shinpachi began as he motioned for Gintoki to try to stand. "Let's get you dried so I can tend to those wounds."

Gintoki couldn't help but grin at that as he silently obeyed Shinpachi's command and slowly rose to his feet with boy's help as he supported Gintoki's weight to help him stay upright. The two made their way to the living room where Shinpachi seated Gintoki on the sofa so he could go fetch a towel, clothes, and first aid kit.

Cautiously, Gintoki leaned against the sofa, resting his head on the sofa's top with his eyes shut as he continued to grin to himself. There were indeed times when Shinpachi's mother hen behavior could get on his nerves, but in all honesty, that was only because he wasn't used to it. To sit back and let someone else take the reigns over his well being wasn't something Gintoki could easily do, since he spent most of his life doing so himself, having only himself to rely on and protecting himself to make sure he didn't leave himself open to the control of others that would bring him harm.

There were also times, like now however, that having someone like Shinpachi, no, having Shinpachi in _particular_, to fuss over him, could only bring a grin to his face. Sure he wasn't quite used to it, but if it was Shinpachi, someone who really cared and someone who wanted to help, then he didn't mind letting his guard down and giving some else the control over his well being.

~O~o~O~

Having gathered the materials he needed, Shinpachi quickly made his way back to his boss, to only stop short at the doorway to the living room when his eyes locked on said boss sitting on the sofa.

If Shinpachi didn't know any better, with the way Gintoki's body was relaxed and resting against the sofa's back and his eyes shut, he'd say that Gintoki had fallen asleep. That alone wasn't what caught the young boy's attention, however. With just a towel around his waist, Shinpachi couldn't help but marvel at Gintoki's body was, despite the angry wounds.

While the silver-haired samurai may not have the body of those fitness instructors with their overly buff bodies, Gintoki certainly had his fair share of muscle tone that suited him perfectly. His arms and legs looked so fit and strong, his chest was so attractive, so inviting. His nipples were now hardened due to the water drops that slid from his hair to his neck, traveling down to the center of his chest to his six-pack abdomen, disappearing once it reached the towel around his waist. Shinpachi stared at the place where the water drops disappeared, swallowing a couple times to relieve his now dry throat.

'_Gin-san's nothing like me, all skinny and scrawny-like...'_

To Shinpachi, the silver-haired samurai was, in a word: sexy.

By the time the young samurai realized he was ogling his boss, his face was already hot from blushing due to both admiration of Gintoki's body and embarrassment from his actions. If Gintoki realized Shinpachi's return and wondering eyes, he didn't show it. Enough was enough though, Shinpachi decided, and headed over to Gintoki's side.

"G-Gin-san, you think you could scoot forward a bit?" Shinpachi stuttered out softly, still trying to compose himself.

At that, Gintoki opened his eyes. "Yeah..."

Once Gintoki was positioned at the edge of the sofa, Shinpachi took the towel in hand and began to run it over Gintoki's body, being extra cautions as he dried the area's around his injured right shoulder. As he dried him, Shinpachi's eyes began to wonder again, along with his hands. Through the towel, he could still feel very well Gintoki's body, his muscles that slightly seemed to tremble from Shinpachi's touch, or perhaps it was just the towel that was tickling Gintoki's skin. The more Shinpachi's hands traveled over Gintoki's skin, the more he came to notice how some places were firmer than others, patches of skin calloused from past wounds most likely.

Shinpachi's hand stilled as his mind latched on to this thought, and brought it together with the other thoughts he's been dealing with since Gintoki first took off to save Tsukuyo from her master; thoughts that were questions, about Gintoki, his past that Shinpachi had no part in. The past of Gintoki he knew little of, that undoubtedly shaped Gintoki into the man he is today, a man he cares so much about. Be that as it may however, Shinpachi thought, that if there was one thing that he was sure of, was that the path Gintoki had walked, the path that lead Gintoki to Shinpachi, wasn't an easy one, but rather one of great difficulty.

The more he thought, the more curious and concerned Shinpachi became, even though for the most part, that which he was concerned of were matters of the past that he could do little about.

'_What had happened in Gin-san's past? What had happened to his body that it was so calloused? What battles did he fight? With whom, against whom and why? What was Gin-san's life like before those battles? And after? What was the outcome of those battles? What was won, what was lost, and what effect did winning or loosing have on Gin-san? Did he have family at one point? Friends, comrades? His master...considering his reaction with Tsukuyo -san, it was like he practically resonated with her, so he must have had one too... What happened to his master? What kind of influence did his master have on him?'_

He had so many questions and only little to work with.

The Gintoki he knew was such a simpleton at times, and at others he could be such a mystery.

The Gintoki he knew was lazy, but so strong, especially when it came to others he cared for, so willing to involve himself in others' matters to protect them, no matter the risks, the dangers.

The Gintoki he knew was his boss, his friend, someone he cared about just as much as he did his sister... if not more.

The Gintoki he knew...

He had so many questions...but no real answers, and Shinpachi couldn't help but sigh.

All he knew about Gintoki was whatever he was able to gather on his own, from whatever he was told, overheard, or experienced, and Gintoki's reason was for his seemly rash involvement for others sake, the peek he had to Gintoki's past and some understanding of his ways, was something he heard first hand from the man himself, _experienced _first hand from the man himself.

"_The country? The sky? You can have them! I have my hands full protecting what's in front of me. But I couldn't protect them all. How many have I let slip through the cracks? I don't have anything left. But if something drops right in front of me, I want pick it up...What's important to my customers is important to me, and I'll do anything to protect it!"_

"_Listen, I don't care what you guys do around the universe. But this is my sword, and anywhere it can reach is my country! Bastards who come in and try to mess with my things...I'll destroy them!"_

"Shinpachi...?"

Gintoki's voice brought him out of his thoughts, and he realized that Gintoki was staring right into his eyes. The young boy couldn't help the blush that surfaced on his face, and he quickly turned away, busying himself with the contents of the first aid kit, preparing what he need to tend to Gintoki's wounds as he told his heart to calm itself and his mind to stop getting off track.

'_I need to focus on Gin-san's wounds and get them cleaned and bandaged before they get infected...Besides, Gin-san isn't in any condition to be put under a line of questioning, especially not from me, if he wants to tell me about those things, he'll tell me, I shouldn't ask...'_

From behind him, Shinpachi could hear the shuffle of fabric, and he figured Gintoki was dressing himself with the clothing he had set on the table. Once he heard the air escape from the cushions of the sofa, he figured Gintoki had finished and so he turned to face him. Now dressed from the waist down in his usual black pants, Gintoki sat still as Shinpachi began to clean and bandage his wound. Now done with the matter that needed urgent attention, Shinpachi began to clean up the clutter on the table, gathering everything in his arms to put them away. Then Gintoki spoke.

"So you gonna tell me what's on your mind, Shinpachi? Or am I gonna have to force it out of you by means of torture with strawberry milk?"

Shinpachi chuckled at that whole strawberry milk bit despite his thoughts. Here he was worrying about not wanting to force Gintoki to talk about subjects that would make him uncomfortable, and yet here's his boss doing just that without a second thought.

'_As expected of Gin-san...'_

Shinpachi smiled softly. "Honestly, nothing's wrong, Gin-san, don't worry."

"Uh-huh, and honestly, I don't believe you." Gintoki stated flatly as he finished dressing the upper part of himself and flopping on the sofa once more. "There can't be 'nothing wrong' when you're looking like you're already being tortured by something less friendly than strawberry milk."

Shinpachi sighed and averted his gaze from the silver-haired samurai, knowing all too well that his expression was betraying his thoughts that were indeed practically torturing him. He really shouldn't bother Gintoki with this...but he wanted to know...

Shinpachi took a deep breath and hoped he wouldn't regret this actions later.

"If something drops in front of you, you'll pick it up, if something within the reach of your sword, your country, is threatened, you will protect it and destroy the threat..." he began, citing Gintoki's words that he heard spoken some time ago.

"But Gin-san... it seems that you put your life on the line way to easily when it comes to that, and I...K-Kagura-chan and I, no matter what is said and done, the bottom line is that we care about you so much, and to see you hurt like you are now, how you've been hurt before, in front of us, and to think about a time before when we weren't even around... it hurts."

Shinpachi figured it was bad enough that he was even bothering with this, the last thing he wanted to was make things more complicated by revealing his exact feelings for Gintoki which he almost just did by speaking just in regards to himself rather than him and Kagura, who no doubt is just as eager to know as he is.

Perhaps his feelings and his questions may be related on some level, but they are still two separate matters, and right now, only the latter matter needs attention.

He continued. "It seems like you care so little for yourself sometimes, though I'm pretty sure that's not exactly the case...I just don't understand why...Why do things always end up like this? Why do you end up in this condition, Gin-san?" Shinpachi's grip on the items in his arms tightened.

"Gin-san is so strong, you care so much, yet you end up having to practically sacrifice yourself in order to protect others...and you're perfectly fine with it...I just...don't understand...Why? Why Gin-san? Why do you go to such lengths? I know I'm probably making seem like it's a bad thing, and it's not, it's very honorable of you, it makes you such a wonderful person, I just think that it's so unfair that you have to end up in this kind of state every time..." Shinpachi looked away, shutting his eyes tight as he voiced his true questions.

"What happened to you Gin-san, that turned you into the person you are, such a wonderful person, someone I admire and care for so much? The past that Kagura and I have no part in, the other side of you we know nothing off except for some small details...Jouishishi...Shiroyasha...and just recently with Tsukuyo-san, Gin-san, you had a master, didn't you? What happened?"

His first words were almost a whisper, but as he had spoke his speed and volume had increased, and when he finished it was only then that he realized it, and he gulped in some breaths, his face red from getting so worked up, his eyes taking on a teary look.

For a while, Gintoki just sat still, not saying anything. He was looking right at Shinpachi, but his expression said nothing about what he was thinking, or feeling, and Shinpachi couldn't help but wonder if Gintoki was angry. Honestly Shinpachi couldn't blame Gintoki if he was angered, especially since he had come on so suddenly and so strong. For a while longer there was nothing but silence, and it hung thickly in the air to the point it was driving Shinpachi insane. He was just about ready to run away when Gintoki closed his eyes and looked away, and Shinpachi didn't know what to do or think.

"G-Gin-san...I'm sorry, I just-..."

"My soul..." Gintoki said simply after the long silence.

Shinpachi blinked, surprised by Gintoki's un-angered tone. "Eh?"

"It doesn't matter to me what happens to my body, so long as my soul is protected, that's all that matters."

The young samurai's eyes widened in shock at Gintoki's words."Gin-san..."

"My actions, my way of living, are all my interpretations of my masters' teachings. He told me, that a sword that's swung only in self-defense while fearing others is useless. He told me, the sword one needs is not one to cut down your enemies, and not to cut away your weakness and protect yourself, but to protect your very soul."

At this Gintoki opened his eyes looked straight ahead as he smiled sadly, his expression almost pained, but he was seeing nothing of the room he was in. Rather, he was seeing something that only he could see, his past, flying by before him as he brought it out from his mind and into words.

"The me before you guys came around as Shiroyasha was nothing but a coward, who was afraid of losing his comrades, who despite my efforts still lost them no matter what I did, a coward who was running from the pain I caused in others and the pain that I had to endure. I don't know who my parents were, as far back as I could remember, I was living in the streets, relying on myself to survive, stealing from corpses the things I needed."

Gintoki's expression softened slightly. "Then Shouyou-sensei found me, and gave me a home, something I never had before. That's when I met Zura and Takasugi, and we three grew up together under Sensei, and when he died, and the Joui war came rolling around, we fought side by side with Tatsuma, us four, as comrades. But even while we have our similarities in fighting for and protecting in what we care for, we're completely different in how we do so now. Zura and Tatsuma go large scale. In Zura's case, he seeks change for the country, with Tatsuma, he looks for co-existence with the rest of the universe. Takasugi...lost his way somewhere along the line, but he's sorta like me to where our focus is close to home."

Gintoki turned his face to Shinpachi, looking directly into his eyes. His expression having changed from a saddened one reflecting on his painful past now turned to a confident one cherishing the present life he lives and the lives of others he now holds in his hands.

"My country is wherever my sword can reach, and it is that country and its people that make up my life, that make up my soul, and it is that, and that alone, which I give everything, endure everything, to protect."

Shinpachi couldn't move, he couldn't think, and at one point he even stopped breathing because when Gintoki stood up and walked over to the young boy to place a hand his left cheek, Shinpachi gasped loudly.

"Hey now, what's all this, Shinpachi?"

At first Shinpachi didn't understand what Gintoki meant, but then it finally registered in his mind that he was crying and it was then that Gintoki started to wipe away the tears with his thumb, but that only made Shinpachi cry even harder.

"I-I didn't know, Gin-san...I didn't know...I'm so sorry...I..."

"Shinpachi..."

Gintoki drew Shinpachi into a tight embrace, smiling against the young samurai's neck from being both touched and amused at Shinpachi's reaction, a reaction completely different from the one he expected the young boy to have after he learned of Gintoki's past.

After a couple moments, Shinpachi calmed down, and pushed gently against Gintoki's chest so that he could shift enough in Gintoki's strong embrace to look him in the eye. The boy's face was now that of joy complete with reddened eyes from his tears and a big smile.

"Gin-san, thank you, for telling me. I'm glad to know more about Gin-san, I'm happy, that Gin-san trusted me enough to tell me these things."

Gintoki just continued to smile with Shinpachi, ruffling the boy's hair tenderly.

"You think...you could tell me more about your master, Gin-san?"

At that his smile only grew.

"Sure..."


End file.
